Let’s face it. I’m probably never going to watch The Reader and this review makes me feel like now I don’t have to.

“Finally got to viddy Winslet hunching her shoulders like an iron hausfrau in that bourgeoisie omnibus THE READER, so without further ado: The Oscar Bait Dozen, a handy checklist of things Oscar-hungry actors look for in their star vehicles:

1. Nudity/Sex(The most important thing to hold bourgeoisie attention)
2. Guilt - The second most important thing, inevitably following sex and lasting much, much longer
3. Nazis
4. Reticence: Let all characters have trouble expressing their feelings, and make whole scenes drag on where you want to just jump out of your seat and scream “Just tell her already!”(…)
8. Sublimation - Ultimately the love must be sublimated — into music, art, writing, or in the case of the rancid READER, books on tape.
9. Absolution - The protagonist must seek absolution, usually by barging in on the victim and forcing them into it, a brazen bit of emotional assault that just aggravates the problem.
10. Death - The best way to atone for your sins is to kill yourself, usually with a long note read in voiceover by the protagonist. (…)
12. Helicopter Score - Let no scene go by unmilked by grandiose orchestral flourishes. (…)

This is not an indictment of Winslet’s excellent work, I’m just once again attacking the subtextual implications of bourgeoisie craftsmanship pictures and how they work to reduce, label and signify instead of doing what true art should do, which is move in the opposite direction altogether.”

via: Erich Kuersten